Getting in Shape

   Two things happened in the past few years:  I had kids and I entered my late twenties.  I honestly can't tell you which one was harder on my body.  Little fetuses are like those uninvited house party guests: they make themselves comfortable, trash the place and usually have to be forcefully evicted .  And age?  Well age just doesn't let your body bounce back as much.  Sure I'm back to my pre-pregnancy body weight, however my body is not anywhere near the same: maybe it is.... just everything is an inch lower.
   Anyways I promised myself 3 years ago after Elijah that I would get back into shape..then I got pregnant.  After Lily I promised I would get back into shape....then I got pregnant.  Now that Joe is here and we honestly couldn't fit another baby in the apartment (unless it was to become patio baby) I am finally holding myself to this promise.  I will get into shape!  For the first few months after I had Joe I wore all black.  People asked me who died?  I told them black is slimming but if you wanted to be technical I was mourning my pre-baby body.  Yes you can lose the weight, however those jeans in your closet from when you were 18 will still look like sausage casing plus it will force body parts in different places they shouldn't be making you look like a Picasso.  And can I just comment about the fashion this year?  Seems like all the material either is sheer, thin or contains my mortal enemy: spandex.  Oh yes the new jersey material dresses are comfortable but if I have to wear a spanx turtle neck just so you don't see my belly button outline it sort of defeats the purpose.  And skinny low-rise jeans being the latest trend? Perfect! because I dont have enough to worry about.  Now I have to worry about bending over at strong start and projectile launching my jean's button and taking out someone's eye or splitting my jeans answering the question where babies come from.
   So I started running.  Why running? It's a weird activity for me when you consider that I do not have the grace and speed of a gazelle but rather one of an elephant.  Well it all comes down to two factors:  time and money.  You see gyms cost money (today's shocker...Tomorrow's: the sky is blue!), and most look down when you attempt to use the treadmill while eating a hamburger.  Also by the time you drive (or bus) to the gym, get changed, get the latest gossip on who's butt looks bigger and get in your 60minutes of cardio, you're looking at almost 2hours!  Plus in Maple Ridge there appears to be a dress code at the gym.  People actually look well put together with makeup and shorts without holes in the crotch (what? my thighs rub together when I run).  With running, as soon as you leave the house, you're working out and you can stop by your closest McDonald's on the way home. Plus 20minutes in my run when my face is purple and my breath resembles a death rattle, I don't have to worry about someone attempting CPR or calling an ambulance.  I end up running at night because that's when Dave is home and it usually starts to get dark.  A few days ago I got stuck behind another jogger that was slightly faster then I was.  I felt like a totally creepator since I was trailing behind her panting heavily (what? I was out of breath).  She however, probably set a new personal run time record trying to get away from me.  I must admit, I am enjoying running.  Maybe it's because it's an hour away from the kids and I can enjoy my music and my thoughts without worrying about what electrical outlet Lily is trying to stick her fingers in.  Plus I am starting to see some results.  I can run about 10km in almost under an hour, while it may seem unimpressive for most, I am actually quite proud.  As for my body?  I still have to decide whether to roll my stomach into either my shorts or my bra but I'm hoping that eventually I'll see a difference in my appearance.  Dave and I did the Terry Fox run together two weeks ago.  For those who know me, know that I do not enjoy running with my husband.  It is because he always looks way too happy and smug, plus he is naturally athletic which means while I've been training for weeks, he gets off the couch for an afternoon and still runs circles around me.  However, running with him hasn't been too bad ever since I installed a non-douchebag clause in our marriage agreement.  This was inspired by last years event where we were running and he started running backwards exclaiming "look! I can run faster then you both forwards and backwards".  In his defense he was flirting, in my defense, if I had pushed him into traffic, no female jury would convict me.  This saturday I have my first trail run which I'm dreading.  My super healthy vegan sister decided that for her birthday we should do that instead of doing the normal activity of double fisting cake and cookies.  We won't be doing it if it is raining and believe me, I've never prayed so hard for rain before in my life!.
  I have also been walking or as I also call it "something I have to do to get places because my husband sold my car for a big ass truck".  Walking is an incredible workout, especially considering right now I'm pushing roughly 77lbs : 25lbs Lily, 12 lbs Joe, 5lbs diaper bag, 5lbs carseat and 30lbs stroller.  The only downside is the whine factor.  Lily has gotten to that age where she has formed an opinion on what she wants to do and Joe, well Joe is only happy when he's being held.  So during my walk I'm usually serenaded by wails of Joe and Lily screaming "I CAN WALK".  Plus I've had to adjust all my walk routes to avoid parks, because that just sends Lily into overdrive.  Lily has also mastered how to escape her 5 point harness prison so she's usually trying to lean out of the stroller or her newest thing: jam her fingers into the spokes of the tire in an attempt to stop our convoy. The solution I've found is to wear headphones to tune them out.  I also arm myself with "shut up snacks": little treats that I can dish out to keep Lily occupied.
  A few months ago I was lifting weight on our personal balcony gym, yes we created a red neck gym on our patio.  I haven't done it lately because I discovered a whole host of shows on our PVR. Actually maybe I should start again, otherwise I may have to go out there and dust everything.....
  Anyways back to the grind.  Busy day at the office today: Joe pooped twice and Lily has just handed me a handfull of all our childproof locks and plugs.